February is Make It Happen

I had a small epiphany around the end of 2011/beginning of 2012.

This will be frustratingly vague for some of you, but right before I left for Christmas vacation I made a really big mistake.  I did not make this mistake on purpose, though more than one person has suggested that perhaps unconsciously I did.

I realized that I made this mistake right before I left my parents' house to come home to Boston.  The day after I got home, I contacted the person most immediately affected by the mistake and left a message telling her what had happened.

And then I spent the next several days avoiding all contact with that person, dreading her response to the mistake.  When I finally looked at her response to my message, it was along the lines of "oh that's not good, here's what we should do next."

I found myself disappointed that she didn't have a stronger response.

We tried to fix the mistake, but it took a couple of weeks before the full consequences of my mistake would be known.  And again I found myself both dreading and hoping for the worst possible consequences to occur...and again I found myself disappointed when the consequences turned out to be minor.

That's when I realized that I have had a fairly passive-aggressive approach to life lately.  That I've really wanted some things to happen, but instead of making them happen myself I've been trying to goad other people into doing the dirty work for me.

I know this might not make much sense to those of you who don't know me in real life and don't know about the situation I am describing - I'm perfectly happy to tell you about it privately, it's just unbloggable right now - but here's the point of this post:

It's time to make things happen.

It's time to stop sitting around daydreaming about what I want my life look like, and just - MAKE IT HAPPEN!

So the month of February is devoted to doing just that.

I've already had some minor success...I did a whole bunch of cleaning and organizing over the weekend, and accomplished six out of ten things on my entrepreneurial to-do list for the weekend...which is really pretty good considering I can't remember the last time I even had a written to-do list!

But the most major thing I am about to make happen is that I finally, finally, finally have an intake appointment with a therapist tomorrow afternoon to address this dark cloud of blah-ness that I have been living inside of for way too long.

February.  Make it happen.  Stay tuned for results...